rockman_esk's Journal

Gone insane, but the Memory Remains
So...in case you guys have noticed, there's a couple of plot holes in my lifes tory here on livejournal. In fact, you may notice old memories are gone from the pages. Fear not, it is not a rogue hacker that may target you next (though for the sake of installing paranoia for schadenfreude's sake, let's say there is one, try sleeping tonight!). Instead, I have decided on forgoing therapy here on campus, and finding alternatives to become happier. Today, I talked with Kira, and we had a few things to discuss. I won't say what they are or what the result is, because we don't even know yet, I'll just say I'm glad we did talk. But the aftermath is really what prompted me to do this. Walking to and from the cafeteria, I was thinking about certain things from my past...and how they have affected me. I recall my last few posts where I mention that these Livejournal posts may help me in the future by reminding me of my mistakes. But I figure, I carry my knowledge with me, I shouldn't have to rely on posted memories to shape my outlook. And so, i decided it was high time to take all the ill memories, the posts I did in spite and anger and frustration, and delete them forever. They aren't necessary anymore. There are just some memories that should remain as such, there is no need to immortalize them. I will keep them in my head forever, even as they fade, I don't think it's necessary to have them remain in physical and digital form anymore. I want to make new, happier memories, I want to keep the memories on here that mean a great deal to me. The happier ones, the ones that showed me the good in life, not the bad. In fact, in order to prevent myself from resorting to that again, I think it might be best if I ceased my livejournal altogether. I may post now and again, or I may create a new one. I may start one for voice acting alone. Even now I'm considering removing the temptation of posting to this journal ever again by scrambling my password. Who knows. I just know that my life has, for some reason or another, taken a turn, and it's about time I lived it and enjoyed it. Ja matta ne, minna! Until we meet again.

Rip Out the Wings of a Butterfly
Ugh...so finals week is slowly crawling upon me x_x. I just have Mon-Wed of actual school left, and then I get on to finals week. Good News: I have only 2 finals, Bad News: It's the 7-10 SPLIT of finals (1 on Monday and 1 on Friday). And of course I'm lagging along with studies. As is my body's custom, the stress has effectively brought upon pains and aches all over, as well as a shot immune system (I only have enough blood in my body to either work my brain, immune system, or...*coughs* yeah).

Biology has created within me a whole new level of apathy. I've been getting Cs and Ds left and right, and with the added stress of the upcomign final test...I really don't give a fuck anymore. I just want it fucking over with.

My "friends" here on campus aren't helping a great deal. I'm in two musical numbers as a back up dancer for a showcase on monday (*sighs* my acting abilities put to the limit, huh? Still have yet to land ANY role in this school. Just failed another audition v_v). Today I ran into a group of them and asked them what was going on tonight, they pretty much just brushed me off with a "boring stuff". And they don't even have the courtesy to wait until I'm out of earshot to start talking about a party they are all heading to!

Only one person has had the decency lately to invite me to a party for next week, and that was my director for one of the musical numbers (mostly out of common courtesy). I'm still debating going, but at least it's the gesture that counts. There'll be alcohol there, which'll help calm me...but I don't want to end up doing something I may regret. For some reason my sex-drive has been peaking lately, and being intoxicated around a bunch of flakey drunk theatre girls may not be the best scenario for me.

Because the girl I love and I aren't officially together, she has told me she won't hold it against me if I end up dating...but on top of the fact that I really want to be with her, I don't want that added temptation that would lead to dissapointing her (I just know I would lose her trust in the process, and that's one thing I don't ever want to lose). The thing is, I don't have that strong of will power. I know people will be like "what's the matter with you? If you're that worried about it, just don't have sex!" *sighs* Were it so easy. Stress has put my inhibition on stand-by. I really want to go to this party to just have fun with people and drink a little to relax, but like I said...I don't want to end up hurting that special someone.

*sighs* I'm in a real catch-22 here, huh? Well, my back is killing me, so i'm going to work a bit on HW and then turn in (HW, on a Saturday night? Blasphemy! Well those fucking "friends" of mine don't offer any alternative x_x *bitter bitter bitter*). Ja matta ne, fukkerz!

Current Music: Wings of a Butterfly ~ HIM

I Can't Wait For You To Shut Me Up!
General update on life: So...life is going pretty slow lately. The events and euphoria of last post has long since died out and now I am just relaxing in the melancholy of life. Nothing major happening, just working random shifts each week and spending my free time playing games, watching movies, or voice acting (I've picked up a new condenser USB Mic with a stand and pop filter, so I got my own professional recording studio downstairs). The social aspect of things is pretty minimal. None of my old friends really wanna hang out, and I'm constantly ditched by the ones that say they do. The only real person I've been hanging out with is Kurtis all summer long. There were a few random times where I got to see some good friends, like Mike and a couple people from Play Pro...but it seems all the others couldn't give two rat's asses that I exist. But summer's almost over, anyways. I'm actually kinda glad and dissapointed. I mean, on one hand, I'm going back to school where I actually fit in. Where a full 8 years of work to be known as SOMEBODY in High School is burned down to a mere few weeks in college. But there are things I don't want to face...namely the awkwardness of seeing Devon again. I'm always going to have feelings for her, sure...but right now...I don't know it's just going to be painful. On the other hand, things should be a hell of a lot better than this fucking town. Christ I hate it! People at work have been berating me all fucking week! Telling me I'm worthless, that our policies are bull shit, talking down to me. FOR FUCK'S SAKE! I don't make the fucking rules shit heads! I just work as a middleman there! You wanna complain? Do it to headquarters! I'm in no fucking mood to hear your whiny ass bullshit. And what gives you the fucking right to talk down to me in the first place?! Yes! I'm younger than you! I've got a whole life ahead of me to experience! I'm fully aware of it, why the HELL aren't YOU!? Common decency people! It's not that hard of a thing! *sighs*

Anyways, let's get onto other updates. Dreamcatchers has been taking an extended hiatus so far, seeing as Run is in Japan trying to promote us to distributors or something like that. I'm taking the time to do some amateur work online, which Kira has gotten me fully immersed in. It's actually quite surprising what can be done. I'm currently casted as an Undead Pirate in the Pirates MOD for Battlefield 2, which'll be released sometime mid-September. I've also been spending my free time working on scenes and stuff from my movie (and even creating new ones). Nothing is written down yet as far as hard dialogue, but I have an idea where I'm going, and hopefully during the drawl of school I'll be able to finally get some work done on it, and maybe even use some of the resources I have at school to start producing it (but that probably won't happen until my senior year or beyond).

Turning to a movie critic tone: Just finished watching the independent film "Thirteen", and I must say, it...is...important. This movie was able to bring everything a movie should entale into a real world setting. Nothing was put on or over exaggerated, this was a movie where the kind of shit that went down in it happens every day in real life (which is scary). Dynamic performances on the actor's part, and I was really shocked to learn that one of the writer's of it was only 15 or 16 when she wrote it! It is very dramatic, but it is phenomenal. I hope to do something of that scale sometime in the future. I'm quite envious of the writer...her and Zac Efron. Yes, I said it. That guy has got a lot going for him. He had this whole lifestyle thrusted upon him. He's the most modest actor, with everything in the world going right for him, all at the age of 19. I'm not even started on my own career. In fact, I was hoping to have more done by this time...which is kinda dissapointing to me. But I'll keep going.

Anyways, it's off to bed for me. Ja matta ne~!

Current Music: Shut Me Up ~ Mindless Self Indulgence

Dynamite EXPLOSION! Once again~! (Anime Expo 2007: RECAP)
Well I am back from my ventures in CA! I will be posting today not as an emo kid or anything like that, but as a reporter. I just came back from an awesome weekend at Anime Expo 2007. Let us begin!

( Anime Expo 2007~! )

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Dynamite Explosion

Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good
I do believe I have been changed for the better.

*sighs* Mein damen und herren, madames et monsieurs, ladies and gentelmen...once again my own inner demons has prevented me a chance from something great. My faults always seem to come out in the worst way...and this time I am to blame. Because for the second time in just 1 and a half years...I have fallen in love...and for the third time in that same span...I have experienced the heartache of a relationship's end. That's right, Devon and me are no longer going out.

It was a combination of both our vices that didn't make it work...but I feel that I could have been more patient for her. I defied my own creed of true love (doing the best for the person you care about, even at your own expense). In the end, however, I just got angry at her for the things she can't control (without professional help at least). And now I must seek out help of my own. Years of self abuse and hurting the people around me have led up to this...I need counseling...I need SOMEBODY who can fix me.

The thing is, we have agreed to taper off our relationship, then let the distance of summer do it's thing, and perhaps when we reunite in the Fall, we can be as good friends as we wanna be. But for now, it just hurts knowing that I pushed another person I cared about away. It makes me feel like I'm not ready for a relationship. But I desire them...I desire the companionship and the feeling knowing that you belong to someone. *sighs*. I best be off to HW. I leave you with the most relevant song that comes to mind now... じゃまったね。。。みんな。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"FOR GOOD" (As performed by Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth)
Wicked: The Musical

GLINDA
I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you:

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

ELPHABA
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend:
Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you:

GLINDA
Because I knew you:

BOTHI have been changed for good

ELPHABA
And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done you blame me for

GLINDA
But then, I guess we know
There's blame to share

BOTH
And none of it seems to matter anymore

GLINDA ELPHABA
Like a comet pulled Like a ship blown
From orbit as it Off it's mooring
Passes a sun, like By a wind off the
A stream that meets Sea, like a seed
A boulder, half-way Dropped by a
Through the wood Bird in the wood

BOTH
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better?

GLINDA
And because I knew you:
ELPHABA
Because I knew you:

BOTH
Because I knew you:
I have been changed for good.

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: For Good ~ Wicked

Sakura Con 2007: Mission Complete
WHOO! Man am I wiped. Lotsa stuff went down between my last post and now. And I' m currently postponing a 3-4 page paper I need to get done in 2 hours so I can watch House, so let us begin.

Friday: Skipped out on English class and went to Sakura Con with Devon. After waiting over an hour in line, I went independent quickly to go do a Bleach photo shoot that Kelsey was begging me to go to. I quickly changed costume and went and did fucking NOTHING! I just stood around while she ran back and forth, and when I told her I was leaving, she didn't really pay any notice to me (that girl really irks me sometimes). Caught back up with Devon and we browsed the convention a bit. Met up with Keith from Dreamcatchers and my good friend Kira from Alaska (who requested my participation in her cosplay group's skit at the contest. Seeing as I was going to be there anyways and that I was familiar with the character she wanted me to do, I accepted). Devon got a little tired so we made it a plan to head out between 10-11. Ran into Liz along the way, who was hanging out with the guest she was liasoning, Spike Spencer (the dude reeked of Scotch). Dev and I went back home and slept the night away.

Saturday: We returned to the con around 9:30 so i could hit the cosplay rehearsal while she went off and browsed a few panels. The rehearsal went down well and afterwards I spent some time enjoying the con. Walked around a bit, grabbed some food, and even played a bit of video games. Keith and I managed to sing "GO!!" by FLOW at the Karaoke room, with a great reception by the people there. Next was the cosplay contest. Team 7 (Kira and Keith's team that I was performing with) was the very first act, and as such, we were panicking when one of the members didn't arrive until 5 minutes before the show started. Unfortunately, the group didn't win any of the categories (there were few that Team 7 qualified for anyways), but it was fun nonetheless. At the intermission, Team Dreamcatchers performed our debut Haruhi Dance, which was met with an amazing loud roar from the crowd. I was then handed the mic and was told to promote the Dreamcatchers performance the next day. I tell you, I was so nervous. I bullshit my way through it, and everyone tells me that I looked really natural on the stage and the improvised speech I made was perfect. That made me feel a little better about myself. But that euphoria was soon to leave as I had one of the hardest nights of my life. That will be touched upon after the convention recap, however.

Sunday: Dreamcatchers performance. Pretty much my entire day was devoted to getting ready. Even though we had a smaller room, we had the biggest crowd in our 3 years of performing. Every show and act was met with applause and it felt invigorating. I was also happy to see that Kira won the Nausicaa Voice Acting contest, which really cheered her up. After the performance, I packed my stuff up, hit the dealer's room until closing time (spending money left and right), then said my good byes and head out. All in all it was a fun weekend (minus Saturday night).

SO! What happened Saturday night you might ask? Well...Devon was originally supposed to film the Cosplay skit for Team 7, but she instead decided to go sleep at the hotel room. This frustrated me because she told Team 7 she was going to do something then backed down on it. So that argument pretty much sparked the biggest conflict we have had so far. Many issues were brought up, none of which I care to indulge upon, but what I can say is that we were close to breaking up. And the truth remains that our relationship isn't completely mended yet. The both of us are left with a huge decision ahead of us. We both want to make this relationship work, but many things are getting in the way of that. For one, there is a distance I am currently feeling, brought upon by this whole ordeal. Secondly, she reminded me yesterday that we have big expectations of each other that neither of us can probably meet, and that there's alot that neither of us understand about each other, nor probably can understand. The truth remains that this summer is going to be what ultimately decides whether or not we stay together. Because there is the potential for happiness, but then there's the risk of pain. Devon got hurt pretty badly Saturday evening, and we hadn't even broken up. That's what scares me. The future is uncertain, and there's so much to consider. I just hope we ultimately make the right decision that will benefit us both. For now, I must return to my HW. じゃまったね。。。みんな。

If everyone loved, and nobody lied...If everyone shared and swallowed their pride...
Hey y'all. Not much to update, but I just think that I should get back in the habit of posting regularly (believe it or not, these rants are therapeutic for me). Midterms kicked the living shit outta me. Performed a David Ives One-Act ("The Universal Language"), which sucked the energy clean outta me. Also turned in an English paper and did a Japanese and Musical exam. I'm glad their outta the way, though. Now I can just relax.

This weekend was pretty interesting. For starters, I got a little tipsy and started talking to an acting friend from High School. She was really nice, but she packed a bunch of shockers for the evening. I suppose the big one was about my ex-girlfriend. No, not Kelsey. The one who ditched me at prom, Holley. Remember her? Remember the reputation that she has of being a sex-fiend? Well...keep that in mind. My friend informed me...that Holley is engaged! Ok....Whiskey...Tango...Foxtrot ("WTF" for those not into military linguo)! My friend would not give me any more details, but my mind was racing with that. Apparently she was in the musical that I was going to the next day, but had to drop out. Knowing her history, her lifestyle, her reputation, and other assorted details, I'm assuming she's pregnant. It's probably not fair to make such an assumption, but she's fucking 18. She wanted to go to Scotland after she graduated. So taking all this into account, I'm sticking by my assumption until proven/told otherwise.

On to Dreamcatchers. We did auditions for spots in the Haruhi dance to do on stage in front of the Bandai president. I'm really nervous about that. My main competitor is Josh (one of the new guys, Kieth, is almost guaranteed the other male position). The only reason he had such a high voting rate was because he had the facial expression down (seeing as it is his natural one). Other than that, and I'm not trying to be condescending nor conceited, he really isn't that good at the dance. He almost looks like he is performing a Karate Kata. People inform me I'm a strong dancer, which confuses me as to why he would be the one competing against me. For that matter, Shun (perhaps the best dancer out of the guys AND girls) didn't get voted into any part. Which is why I distrust this voting procedure. If not me, then Shun at least should get a position. Kieth does a good job of it, he just needs some polishing (which I know he can do easily). As for me? Well I've got the routine and movements down pat. I'm pretty much one of the only ones who can remember the ending hand movements. If it's a matter of facial expressions, why should that get in the way of my votes? That's not the hard part. Anyways, it's up to Run to make the final decision...so...yeah I'm just really nervous about it (as I usually am with auditions, and I almost always have a right to be...seeing as I barely get any of the parts I audition for. And that includes school auditions and otherwise).

Saturday was the practice for the audition, and Sunday was the actual audition, with Ayumu filming (ironic cuz he hates being on camera...most likely cuz he doesn't want his old Yakuza buddies finding out where he is ^_^). Sunday was interesting, cuz Dinelle joined us to practice as an understudy. Now, previously Dinelle and me had it out for each others' blood. I am aware that she still hates me. But it was odd, cuz we were able to hold decent conversations and such without expressing any urge to kill each other. We actually were friendly towards each other. Honestly? I hold nothing against her. Never did. She was just trying to protect her friend at the time, and I admire that. I was just really irked during those arguments cuz she was very condescending and almost insensitive towards my side of the situation. As I previously stated, I am incapable of truly hating somebody (or at least for an extended period of time). She's a cool person, I'll give her that.

Saturday evening, went to go see some of my old high school acting friends in Bye Bye Birdie, which was cute and all, but not really my kinda musical (it's a classic, though, so it's good that I saw it at least once). It was fun to see them all. I felt really good getting a shocked reaction from the people who recognized me. Sunday evening was uneventful...quite boring actually. Today (er...yesterday), went to the optometrist to get a new prescription (seeing as my old glasses were scuffed). Also am going to be getting a new frame, hopefully it will be a good alternate to go with my new life and new personality/outlook that came with attending college. Anyways, I should be getting to sleep. I am heading out with Devon to Chelan tomorrow (er...today) to my parents' new summer home (yay!). Ja matta ne fukkerz!

Current Mood: *yawn*
Current Music: If Everyone Cared ~ Nickelback

Look at this photograph, everytime I do it makes me laugh...
Heya guys! Been a while, huh? Lot's been going on, but nothing really that prompted me to post here...but now I have plenty o' shit to hand out, so hold out your hands and I'll deal it to ya.

Christmas was fun, but afterwards was better. Me and my girlfriend went up with her family to Mt. Whistler to ski, where we had a blast. Directly following that was the beginning of Spring semester. My classes this year are Making Musical Theatre, Comedy and Musical Theatre, Japanese 102, and Introduction to English Studies. English is pretentious, but that's the only con to my list this time around =P.

Classes have been snailing about. In fact, the only highlight of my everyday activities is when I went to see Nickelback, Three Days Grace, and Breaking Benjamin in concert last week (kick ass!).

The agency is going...well...it's going. I'm excited for our performance Easter weekend because we will be performing in front of the president of Bandai Ent.! w00t! The problem? Everything's falling apart! Nobody is focusing or being serious anymore (me included), and certain people are only in it for themselves. I talked with Liz yestarday and ran into Kelsey earlier today at the mall. A common complaint was brought up, that I feel I must address. I will be talking to Run about it and then discussing it with the rest of the class. I hate to be the bad guy here, but I am going to need to come down on them. It's what's best.

Currently? I am working on a group project for my Making Musical Theatre class. The problem? It's a GROUP project and I'm working on it ALONE. I spent 5 hours writing the synopsis and song analysis because one of my partners broke her foot, which is why I place no blame on her, but because of that the other person was just too lazy to meet up. She wanted to meet up the morning the synopsis was due (it's a 9:30 AM class!). Am I peeved? YEAH-HUH! ugh! I need to get some sleep. Ja matta ne fukkerz!

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Photograph ~ Nickelback

Merry Christmas, Bitches!
Christmas eve! Well, ok so I'm not really that happy, but the sentiment's still there. Why am I not that happy? Couple of reasons. One reason the fucking customers at work SUCK! I swear society is really selfish. All I've noticed thusfar in humanity is every person living for him or herself, and not caring about those around them. Selfish beings with no direction. There are only a few exceptions to this, and thankfully I am dating one of them. The second being doesn't make me mad, more of irritated (like a bad itch that won't go away). Some retard on livejournal thought it would be funny and humorous to post the same homo-erotic picture on every one of my posts on my front page, pausing every once or twice to state "you are a fag". Though I managed to promptly deal with this by blocking him, he attempted to continue posting by "Anonymous" posts, which are now disabled. So all friends who read this who wish to comment, you have to have a live journal account. I assume this is the same guy who has been e-mailing me stating he is a guy with a big cock looking for a mate, while attatching a picture of a half naked dude on a couch with a big bulge. Honestly? It's these twisted retards who feel the need to justify their existance by making fun of other people that make me question if humanity will ever progress. Seeing him persist this way makes me doubt it very much. I just want to send a word to him if he decides to create another account and continue, you will be reported for continuous harrassment and the law WILL be taken in effect (don't try to denounce this by saying that it's not possible, I have physical proof and there ARE laws against this). The final reason I am down is that I miss my girlfriend very much. I talked to her on the phone yestarday, and she was drinking with her friends...which was fine by me, but then she mentioned her friend brought pot over, then I got VERY uncomfortable (I'm still a little problematic with it all...but I'll be fine just as long as it was just the once and it won't occur again for a VERY long time, if ever). Plus she is feeling really down, which brings me down (I really hate it when she's sad and I can't do anything to help her...I feel so powerless). The one thing that is keeping my spirits high is that we will be going to Mt. Whistler together soon, which should be a blast. I really do miss her...but you know what they say: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". Anyways, my grandma's over and it's time for dinner...so latta peeps!

Current Music: 19 Sai ~ Suga Shikao

Clerks 3: Bored at the Bookstore
So today my work called me in to work from 1-8:30, when I was originally only supposed to work from 2-6. And they called me at like 11:30 saying to get ready. UGH! And it was so horrible, the customers made me want to shove a spiked dildo up their asses. One interesting development happened, though. I noticed a couple of high school girls talking about how they are out for Winter Break from Curtis High School. I merely asked them "Do you happen to know Tara Bennett?", then one stated excitedly "YEAH! She and I were best friends" (for the record Tara, it was Emilia and Tori). So I asked them about some other people I knew that went to Curtis (even some current schoolmates at UPS), and then when they said they knew Kelsey, I was like "oh...yeah she and I used to date. But it didn't end very well". Then I heard the shocker of the evening. One of the girls stated "Yeah I doubt anything with Kelsey would ever really end well". At this point, it's like a chain gun of thoughts shooting into me. Here's a few of 'em:

a.) "Heh, yeah! I just wish I knew that beforehand"
b.) "That's kinda harsh, I mean she does have her redeeming qualities, and it wasn't like it was entirely her fault".
c.) "You're damned right! That freaking girl hurt me more than I've ever been hurt in my entire fucking life!"
d.) "You have no right to write off people like that! Kelsey is a good girl at heart, but she makes mistakes like the rest of us".

So there you have it, I was having a telepathic battle with myself. Honestly I feel so fucking schizo sometimes that I just want to give in and see if somebody will commit me for biting a customer (which has less to do with me being schizo and more to do with Kevin Smith being dead on with his Clerks movies about how bad those fucking "mouth-breathers" can be).

One other interesting development occured yestarday. There is this girl that works at the Cinnabon, where I usually get my eats during break from the kiosks. We've talked a bit before...but I think she was actually flirting with me yestarday o_o...And how do I know this? Because when she gave me my cinnamon roll and drink, and when I tried to hand her my debit card, she took it, placed it back in my wallet, smiled at me and just shook her head...maybe I'm reading too much into it, but maybe girls are starting to notice just how good looking I am...*vomit!*....where did THAT come from? >.>...anywhoo...after the said cinnamon/smile event, I walked away from the Cinnabon thinking "WHOOO boy! I have NO idea how to break it to her I have a girlfriend." Anyway I can think of bringing it up or showing to her would be too mean. Egh. Maybe I can just continue with her being oblivious. I mean...hey...c'mon...FREE CINNA-ROLLS! But then I'ld be just using a pretty blonde girl for her warm and sticky pastry...and then what kinda guy would I be? Well anyways...

Turning to other news...I MISS MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!!! (Random note: I stated that exact sentence earlier today to a friend...with the slight exception of my dislexia kicking in majorly in the worst Freudian Slip of my life. Let's just say the words "my" and "fucking" were switched...you do the math). *Sighs* 'Tis gettting very lonely around here. I've taken to downloading anime and re-reading Harry Potter #6 (I pre-ordered 7 today ^_^). Devon if you are reading this...HURRY UP! I want you here! Grrrr...Inu-kun wants Neko-chan! Anyways, I've got video games to get to. Type to you ladder.

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: Wake up the Voiceless ~ Story of the Year

Processing...404 Error: Please Contact Your Service Provider with a Heavy Blunt Object
So a couple of friends are buggin me to update...which is wierd because I didn't think these friends actually read this shitty blog. Let me just say that I post without any particular audience in mind, however I expected only people from Dreamcatchers and maybe one or two college friends to read this. One of 'em stated that "everything you do is funny"...oooookay? >.> Well at least my overly-dramatic posts about my "exciting" life are able to make people laugh.........ANYWAYS! On to a very long update.

Things have been going well, I suppose. Not overly exciting, but nothing too boring. Devon and I are going strong, which is always a good sign. Actually she joined me and Roger on an adventure recently: The Quest for the Playstation 3. But that will be explained after a few updates. First of all, I managed to make my stand up comedy debut at the Giggles Comedy Club open mic night. Dan K was there, along with a whole bunch of other people. It was fun, but it didn't go over so well (I was really nervous and didn't get half the things out right that I wanted to, but a few jokes went over well). It was my debut, so maybe it'll get better in time. After I got home, however, I dropped my cell phone into the water, which no longer works. I tried replacing it with an older model, but the SIM card doesn't work in it, so I am now trying to find a decent enough replacement.

On to the quest! So I was trying to buy a couple of Playstation 3s on launch day in order to sell on eBay (they are going for $2000 each). So Roger, Devon, and I camped out of a Target on Wednesday night. Devon had no school, but had to register, and I had a class, so we were planning on leaving our position temporarily, but there were already people ahead of us, which is why we camped. There were 4 people, and 8 PS3s in store. But the 4 stated that they were doing shifts for their 4 other friends, and that they had 8 in their group. Despite Security stating that that was not allowed, they still kept up their Douche-Bagery. So we abandoned that, and went to a Target in Federal Way, where the line wasn't going to be allowed by security until 5. We talked to an officer, who would disperse any line that came up, and he said that we could park at 4 and get in line at 5. Police officers then came. As the officer stated, we parked at 4, but the police everyone that "YOU HAFTA LEAVE THE PREMISES OR YOU ARE SUBJECT TO ARREST!". I tried to ask him about what the security officer told us earlier, but that officer just yelled that same phrase over and over to me. Little does he know that I am the son to a higher ranked officer than him for the entire county! Take that, bitch! After that, we went to a Fred Meyers for a raffle, didnt' get that. And we dropped Devon off at school and tried a few more places. A local K-Mart was also having a raffle, but we got there 5 minutes too late to get tickets...and there were only 6 people outside! Grr...oh well, we have a few good leads to try for the week ahead. At least the Wii comes out tomorrow ^_^.

So...yestarday I went to Edmonds to see a bunch of the old Play Pro kids in "The Good Person of Se Tzuan" (I think that's the spelling >.>). It was a blast to see a whole bunch of old friends, even some who graduated with/before me were there. The only downer of the night was when I tried to be friendly to the Prom-Girl-Ex, Holley, and she was a total bitch. I smiled and said with sincerity, "good job up there!" and she gave me the coldest look I have ever seen someone give. Honestly? That person needs to let it go! I have already apologized and was fully willing to be friendly with her. Her parents were even friendly to me, it was just her. And then she screamed and hugged all the other old members. *sighs* Between her and my other ex, I can honestly say those red-heads can hold a fucking grudge. Anyways, after the play was when things got a little more fun. We all went to our original stomping grounds...the Edmonds Dennys! It was a HUGE group, and it was certainly more fun than a barrel full of cracked out monkeys with machine guns. I got home after that, and now here I am...posting an LJ to appease friends I hardly speak to (heh, love you guys). Anyways, I have a day of work ahead of me (joy). Later!

Current Mood: groggy

We'll Carry O~n!
What a fucking day! Jesus H. F. Christ it's been wild. First off, I went to Japanese class, which was alright, but afterwards i started studying for 4 straight hours of History for a quiz that was today. I had two big cans of Rockstar for it, and in the end I couldn't even get a single answer right! So I'm just cursing already at the fucked up day it is, but it kinda picked up after I went to hang out with my girlfriend, Devon. I only say "kinda" for now, because there's the added element that while we were driving to the mall to get her a costume for tomorrow, we nearly got killed. I don't mean "we almost had a car accident that would have left me bruised and a little bloody"...no...I mean if this car had fucking connected, I would be laying face up and cut up in a frozen locker at the local hospital right now, with my parents on their way to identify my bloody corpse. Morbid? You bet your ass it is (it's Halloween, cut me some slack). But yeah, we were going through the back roads of the area (which is how I get to and from the campus), and they are kinda narrow. There are no stop signs at the multiple intersections on it, so you are forced to stop and check at every one (I almost got plowed twice before today). But as I said, they are narrow, and I was driving in the center in order to avoid the parked cars on the side (making it more difficult), and as we are going up this very slight slant, suddenly over it we see headlights on a Blazer going well over 40 mph about 10 yards away from us, coming head on. I punched the accelerator and swerved to the right as Devon and I hear screeching and a very loud crash. The car collided into a parked Grand Cherokee in front of a house. The people were alright (one cut his lip badly and the other hit the windshield pretty hard, but no real lasting damage), and the guy claims the "throttle was stuck". I don't know if that's true, I just know they were going a fuck load faster than they should have been, and if they hit me, their truck would have sliced through my little Nissan like tissue paper. So I'm very shaken up by barely escaping death within a hair's breadth (thank God for my video game reflexes, huh?), but to top it off I had to wait in the cold with Devon for well over 20 minutes after I had called the authorities. We were questioned and then cleared to go. I really don't know why, but I didn't feel as shaken as I should have been. Sure I was a little messed up in the head, but I didn't quite grasp the feeling that I had just escaped an almost certain death (which I had, mind you. None of this is an exaggeration, it literally was the closest call of my life).

We got to the mall in one piece, and proceeded from there. We went into Spencer's and checked around there, finding some interesting things, then we went to Hot Topic. I tried to find a sword that I could use with my Ichigo Shinigami outfit, but I decided that I'll just go with a plastic scythe if I can't find a good one (which I wasn't able to, so now I have a plastic scythe in my car). A lady in Hot Topic directed us to the Spirit Halloween store, so we went and it was pretty much sold out. We returned to the mall, having in mind what we wanted to buy. Now this is where it gets a little problematic. As we were walking hand-in-hand...who just so happens to pass us? None other than Kelsey in another guys' arms. It wasn't the guy she was with that bothered me...it was the painful pity smile she gave me as I said hi in our passing. Seeing her really made my blood boil. And bless Devon for being so understanding and caring. She really hears me out and shows concern for me when I confide in her...and she continuously asks me to continue to do so (which I do more often than I care for). That wasn't too much fun, mind you, and on a day like today no less. But in the end we managed to accomplish our objectives. Devon got a pair of green and black striped Thigh-High's with green-glittered black wings and some fluffy cat ears and a tail. I swear she is going to look so sexy ^_^. We then went to Best Buy so I could check out the monitors, and then we went back to my place to hang out.

Now, let us recap...I studied my brains out in the subject I hate the most, only to fail the test miserably...I escaped death with very little breathing room...and I ran into Kelsey, who's one of the last people I want to deal with right now (I still need time to get over the majority of my anger for her before I return to the agency). Now all this would seem like one of the shittiest days in a long time...but I'll be honest...all of that was buried under the good thing that happened today. Already I'm feeling like I'm healing well with Devon. I didn't get even a quarter as depressed that I thought I would be when I saw Kelsey today, and I kinda shrugged off the whole car incident after a few minutes. But here's the part that will make this day very memorable for me (as if it isn't already). Devon and I were laying in my bed (no not doing that you pervs...I'm still a virgin...for now)...and she and I were talking about our emotional baggage, and how we want to help each other out with it. She and I stared into each others' eyes for a long time...then she pulled me close to her, and whispered in my ear the three words that I've been waiting to hear someone say for the longest time...

"I love you"

...she loves me...and...I love her too! *chuckles* I've never felt this good! To love and be loved back...honestly I've been dreaming for this for a long time! I know we haven't known each other nor been going out long...but it's just one of those things that just sort of clicked. We just naturally trusted each other and were able to open up without hesitation...and it is just amazing. And now I am in love again, when I thought it would be forever before I felt this way a second time. Honest to God I feel great! I don't even care that I have a midterm tomorrow I haven't studied for...wait...whoops. Heh, I should be going. Anyways, adieu fellow readers...erm...reader...uhh...server (yeah server).

Current Mood: loved
Current Music: Welcome to the Black Parade ~ My Chemical Romance

There's only us, there's only this...forget regret, or life is yours to miss...

j0! It's been awhile since I posted anything huh? Lots of updates to go through, and only 30 minutes to do it before I leave for class. Ready?!....GO!!!

To start off, yes I'm alive (as Steve would say "I still have a pulse"), yes I'm healthy and well, no I haven't been damaging myself like I wanted to. I'm actually over this whole argument. That goes without saying that I haven't forgiven her for what she did. In fact, I haven't even gone to class in a couple of weeks. I apologize to you guys in Dreamcatchers, but I probably won't return for a bit. I'm expecting at latest mid-December, unless something big like an audition comes along (Tara, call me, I still need to get you your B-day gift. I apologize for it being so late, but I've been busy). Me not going is not so much to do with the fact that I don't want to start shit up again (which I don't)...it's that AND the fact that I'm really low on funds right now, plus school work needs to take priority. On that note, I have a History quiz Monday, I have to study lines for a Niel Simon scene, due on the same day that I have a drama mid-term (which is harder than you'd think...I'm beginning to hate Stanislovsky), and I need to read the entire "Angels In America" play (originally a 6-hour play! FOR CHRIST'S SAKE MAN!!!). Despite all that, things are going, well interestingly.

Let me start off with the good news...I HAVE A NEW GIRLFRIEND! ^_^. And she is the sweetest thing. She really understands the pain that I've endured and she isn't afraid to share her pain with me. She is pretty, funny, understanding, cool, and just an all around great person. Although now I hafta endure my parents asking me a million questions and giving me advice when I visit them tomorrow x_x. Oh well, I'll bite the bullet. So, about the girl. She is a Freshman, just like me. We met in Japanese class, and we started getting to know each other when we were randomly assigned as partners to perform a small skit. We decided to hang out a bit outside of class, and it just kinda went on from there. I guess we officially started going out Wednesday night/Thursday morning (I hate midnight technicalities). I really am happy now, which is a rare thing for me to say, given certain circumstances.

Now, as for the rest of my life....things are pretty slow. School is just going as school should, giving me headaches and anxiety attacks as I study last minute for a test that takes place within an hours time >.>. Work is also as work should be, but it's at least good pay. I'm actually saving up for a Nintendo Wii (which I have pre-ordered), then I am going to get the Playstation 3 sometime during the holiday season (with Roger working at Gamestop, getting the low-down on shipment dates, it shouldn't be too hard). Final Fantasy XII comes out this week, and I'm excited ^_^. Plus Guitar Hero 2, which should be a blasty blast.

As for work, I have a great story to tell. On Wednesday, I was doing my normal thing, just hangin out and helping customers that needed it. Suddenly, a group of 3 officers approached me with this 17-year-old prick (as his nickname shall be henceforth known as) next to them, informing me that he just swiped a Far Side Mini Wall Calander (worth about $8). They asked if I wanted to press charges. As a temporary seasonal employee, I had to call in my manager. She came down and talked, but we couldn't get ahold of a GM. The Security Officers told us this is the third time they had to deal with that prick that day, so he was going to be banned from the mall for a year anyways. We decided to hold our decision until we got a GM's decision. I go back to work laughing about the idiocy of stealing such a worthless item. I suppose the asshole was just trying to make himself feel better about hisself by doing something so pointless...a trait I really hate. A security guard came and talked with me later in the day, and told me that the guy ran from the officers! Now I'm just cracking up. Apparently the prick pushed down an officer and they ripped off his shirt as he bolted out of the mall in order to avoid such a minor punishment. The officer I was talking to got a call in on his radio, and he mentioned "We lost him", at which point I heard on the other side of the line "No we didn't"...and the best part was in the background, a blowhorn was heard with a guy yelling through it, "GET ON THE GROUND FUCKER!". XD. They did the whole shebang, pointed guns at his forhead, full blown WWE Wrestler take down tackle, and by this point my sides hurt from laughing. ALL THIS FOR A FUCKING $8 CALANDER THAT COSTS $2 FOR MANUFACTURERS TO MAKE! I swear, my faith in humanity continuously fades with every act of idiocy I see.

Anyways, I hafta be getting ready for history class (oh joy x_x). I'll be posting more from now on. Latah peeps!

Current Mood: complacent
Current Music: Finale B ~ RENT

Running down the ready fuels it's finally over, just get over...time will tell if all turns out ok
Nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to see, nothing at all...so it's time for another emo-tastic LJ post! Not much to say about my lifestyle at the moment...I am currently just relaxing at my new location in Tacoma. I went through a couple of applications at the Tacoma mall, and had a REALLY good interview at Waldenbooks, so *crosses fingers* here's hoping I get that job (I REALLY want it)! Some shit has been going down with my car ever since I arrived here. I first got it in for a brake check under my dad's suggestions, but the people at Les Schwab stated that they need to replace one of the tires in order to do the front brake check. I didn't intend on buying anything that day, so I just had them check the back. Well apparently the padding on the rear brakes were kaput. They were unessentially metal-to-metal on the wheel. So I went back and Chris and his Dad helped look it over for me. I made MANY phone calls after I learned that Les Schwab was right, and the front passenger's side tire needed to be changed. So I went to Sears and had the tire changed (and the front wheels re-aligned, which I believe was knocked out of allignment in an accident a long while back, which explains why only ONE tire was worn to the cord and the other was fine). I also had the brake work done, so everything seems fine for the moment. However, it was a $500 expense, which I am grateful to my parents for helping out with (officially, it is still their car that they are "lending" to me x.x...I don't know why they don't just relinquish power on it and let ME take it over as MY car already...I mean I am in Tacoma for Christ's sake!)

Tara and I went to go see the Artswest production of Cabaret (which I auditioned for a while back). It was certainly a fun show. We were right next to the stage in Cabaret-styled seats, and were waited upon and interacted with by many of the actors (in character of course). A couple of kids from school had fun with me and the other classmates that were there. We all went out to Denny's, which was a fun evening. I sure do miss laughing with them. Now the driving arrangements were a little awkward...Tara's mom had driven me to the show (this was during the car troubles), and she took Tara home, so I went with my friends in their car to Edmonds and stayed the night there. My mother drove me back here and here is where I've been since then.

Dreamcatchers was one of the best I've attended in a LONG while...and that's simply because Run was back and brought extremely good news. Apparently, the big company that wanted to sublet us as their American licensor (or something like that), already distributes anime in America through ShoPro Entertainment (a subsidiary of Viz Media). However, they openly stated that they dislike ShoPro's voice acting, so they are giving us a chance to prove our work. They loved the voice acting in Macross Plus (which I took the lead in as Lt. Isamu Alva Dyson...my first voice over role ever ^^), and they wish to test us. What they will do is send us a small anime package (similar to the ones that they send real distributors, which contains a master copy of an anime with sound effects, background music, etc.) and they want us to record it IN studio and send it back to them. What we are doing before that, however, is going to the studio to record a voice over demo of BLEACH, another Viz Media/ShoPro anime that will be released this fall. We hope to show them in comparison our voice work over the "professionals". So it looks like things are going well and we have a great opportunity ahead of us in the field of voice acting.

Now...as for the love life situation...I talked with Tara after class on Saturday...which helped. We talked about alot of things to get off our chest...one thing in particular I'd like to mention...is both our annoyances at people saying "It happens...you need to move on...you'll find someone else...etc." Certainly we listen...but we've heard it enough...and the truth is that we both have a hard time believing it. In my opinion, every single person in the world has his or her own outlook in life and his or her own reaction to events. Albeit similar...it is rare to find an exact reaction. And that is why I do not wish for anyone else to tell me stories about their past and stuff like that. I know that it was true love with Kelsey, so back off!

Anyways, back to the talk with Tara...Friday night I had sent her a long letter I had written out to Kelsey, which mentioned all the things that have been bothering me and things that I wish to confront her with. I only wrote it all out to keep the thoughts organized...if I do end up talking to her about this stuff, however, it will be in person (perhaps with a copy of the letter at hand to help). These things are eating me away...and I know that they are garaunteed to make a world of difference. However, I am afraid of the consequences. I am afraid that it could trigger another fallout where Kelsey and me argue heavily...however...as I've stated before "true love is about taking risks" (to paraphrase). I fear that another talk is imminent...but I know that I will feel a lot better down the road once I do talk with her. I just can't procrastinate on calling her to meet up like i have been today (I only have until Thursday when the school year starts for me with Freshmen Orientation). Anyways...after reading the aforementioned letter...Tara even said that I should confront her with these things...so now I know I must. Again, I am afraid of the consequences though...but...agh! To many "other hands"...Ugh! I need sleep...I'll post again later...

Current Mood: counting down
Current Music: Readyfuels

And I Want a Moment to be Real...Wanna Touch things I Don't Feel...Wanna Hold On and Feel I Belong
Boo ya! I'm 18 people! Officially now, I am recognized as an adult! I had a blast today! I had about 20 friends come over and hang out at my place, both from AJII Team Dreamcatchers and from my drama class. Sure, they were segregated for most of the party, but they integrated well when they did, and it all didn't matter when we went to go see the midnight showing of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. Let me just say, I FUCKING LOVE THAT MOVIE!!! Surprise twists, dramatic plot elements, comedic reactions, and amazing visuals up the ying-yang! I recomend seeing it to the highest degree! I also just hafta say that the 3rd one can't come soon enough. Anyways, back to the party. I did my best to mingle with both groups. No easy task, mind you, but I was just amazed at how much fun I had. I love each and every one of the people I saw tonight, and it wouldn't have been such a great party without them.

After the movie, I got home and opened some of their gifts. I got some pretty humorous stuff. I won't mention what Hilary got me...they are quite unique ^^;. Chris and Anne got me a cool racing game for the 360, as well as a couple of caligraphy items and a scape goat voodoo doll ^^. Roger has on pre-order a Square Enix PSP game that sounds awesome. I got a gift card from Jordyn (our stage manager from play production), a cool book from a webseries (Real Ultimate Power) from Corey G., some money from Al and Garret W., and some Ichigo items from Tara and Leah (a desktop accessory and a small UFO plushie). My family also got me the complete 10th season of Friends (which completes my collection! Yay!). Although I feel guilty about accepting gifts from friends(it's the fact that they would spend money on me), I do appreciate them all.

Anyways, the day seems to have sucked out all of the happiness in me. I am currently in a drained and down mood (not to mention tired), so I best take my leave before I start getting pessimistic.

Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: I'm Still Here - John Rzeznik

For life is quite absurd, and death's the final word; you must always face the curtain with a bow...
So...guess what? I'm OUTTA HIGH SCHOOL!!! w00t to da m4x0rz! Yup, I graduated Friday, and I am finally free from the confines of High School. And now...I hafta type out how my week/weekend went. Well, let me tell you it was long so SHAME ON YOU for putting that kinda pressure on me! SHAME! But, now that I'm here, we may as well get started.

Monday-Wednesday: Not much, just finals and final projects that wrecked my brain to oblivion's edge. Wednesday was the final day of Play Production, and by the end, EVERYONE was in tears. Mr. Mindt (my drama teacher) gave a heartful speech which left no one with dry eyes. Most of the seniors said their piece...and by the end, I was too heart-warmed to give Holley the note I had posted in my previous LJ post (I ripped it up instead). She may still hold a grudge against me, but that's HER problem. If she wants to play games with guys, so be it. But as of this day, I'm having NO part of it anymore.

Thursday: I got a call in from one of the managers at work, asking if I could work that day. Seeing as I didn't have school (nor ANY hours this past weekend), I accepted. It was a door shift, which I am grateful for...and it was LONG AND SLOW!!! NOBODY is going to see the crap we have in. When Nacho Libre is in the biggest auditorium we have...something is DEFINITELY wrong! I decided to mess with the few customers we had by directing them and talking to them in a German accent (and they bought it ^^. I had a few people ask me where I was from in Germany! Bweheh). Nacho Libre, Garfield 2, Fast and the Furious 3? HOLLYWOOD IS DYING WITHOUT ME!!! JESUS ALREADY! GIVE ME MY COLLEGE DIPLOMA SO I CAN SAVE IT!

Friday: LONG DAY! We went to a pointless Senior Breakfast with HORRIBLE food...but I got a kick talking to my friend about sloths (yes...sloths...trust me...the conversation was hilarious...if I'm ever a stand-up comedian, the three-toed sloth would be the center of my routine). We then went to a pseudo-rehearsal, which lasted a LONG time. Then we departed and me and my friend made DVD copies of a Slideshow he made for the Play Production class. We then distributed them to the class, signed yearbooks, then went to another rehearsal (which was longer). We went back to the school for a snack, then it was show time. The day was nice, and we had some great speakers. Afterwards, aeveryone went to the reception, where MANY pictures were taken. Then I dressed out of my robe, and went to the Senior Escapade.

Friday-Saturday (the Escapade): So the escapade started out with everyone going to see a hypnotist in the Theatre. Y'all, let me say, I personally know some of the people who were getting hypnotized, and the stuff I saw them do on stage were things that I KNOW for a FACT they would NEVER do in their own minds. It was real. Anyways, we then got on a bus and travelled to Issaquah, to Illusions arcade. This place RULES. It has all of my favorite arcade games (Guitar Freaks, Sniper Scope, House of the Dead, DDR, ParaPara, and more), a Putt-Putt course, 3 bowling lanes, and an endless moving climbing wall (kinda like a treadmill). It also has a 3 story Laser Tag arena...which was the best I have ever played in. We hung out there for a while, then we got back on the bus and went to the Southcenter Mall. We went into the Rainforest Cafe, where they gave us each $300 of fake money to gamble with (black jack only), and we could use the earnings to join raffles for stuff like mariners tickets, dvd players, and stuff (I didn't win anything though). They had this glass box, where you stepped in and grabbed as much money as you could as it blows up in the air (it even had real money in it...I grabbed $13 to keep ^^). They also had a trivia game show like thing, a sumo suit thing, and other stuff. I spent most of my time on the dance floor though (let me tell you, NEVER watch me dance...it's horrific >.>). But I did manage to work up the courage to do something that took me 4 years to do. I asked a specific girl to dance. We didn't (she doesn't dance at all, she spent the entire time watching the people from the side). Let me provide a backstory: 8th grade dance, I started liking this girl ALOT (which lasted through 10th grade, then started dying out). My friends kept bringing her to me, and I was too scared to ask her. She would always walk away before I said anything. So...4 years later...I end the year doing what I was afraid to do then. It was unsuccesful, but it was fulfilling. After the Escapade, I got home at 6 in the morning, and CRASHED! I was so tired by this point that my body was physically shutting down. I was in so much pain.

Saturday: I woke up at 4, and spent the day relaxing, most of the anxiety pain I had (as well as the exhaustion pain) dissapeared, and I was grateful.

Sunday: I had a graduation party with every single one of my family members in the Edmonds/Seattle area. It was alright, but long. I had to repeat myself about my future and goals and stuff like that 20 times. I opened the cards, and got over $900 (I have some rich grandparents >.>;;). I also got a tool box (kind of a right-of-passage thing I guess ^^), a watch (which I NEEDED),a Target gift card, AND my parents agreed to take me to guitar center to pick out an electric guitar (i guess because my dad doesn't want me taking his Ibanez with him when I move ^^;;). So I have alot of "thank you" notes to write ^^;. But I truly am grateful, not just for the gifts, but for getting this far. There were alot of times that I didn't think I was going to pull through, and getting this far has made me really happy. I am practically high off of the release of pressure.

Today I put all the money I made into my bank accounts. I have decided that I'll be buying a Nintendo DS Lite with the Target Gift Card (seeing as Chris, Anne, and Roger all have one, and they are a pretty sweet system), I'll also be using the Graduation money to build my own computer. I have decided, though, to wait until early next year to do so. Next January, the new Windows Operating System (Visa) comes out, as well as the nVidia GeForce 8000 series. The money currently resides in my Savings account, which gives me the two month's rent and living expenses my dad reccomended to have before I move. I have decided to move either VERY late July, or VERY early August. I would love to move in mid-July, but I need to save more money before the move, and I feel it'd be odd of me to move in and pay half month's rent right as I move in. I need to get over there soon though, EVERYONE in the house wants me to get Roger off his lazy ass and move his stuff out of my room ^^. I will be playing FFXI alot more now that I have the time. Things are finally looking up! As Monty Python says, "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life". Laterz!

P.S. Again! Fred Gallagher puts up a new comic that describes my love life at the time PERFECTLY! You remember last time, right (on one of my previous LJ posts)? Well that was just one instance out of many! It has occured before. And now, after all this occured with Holley, I find THIS on Megatokyo: http://www.megatokyo.com/index.php?strip_id=871 ...wierd.

Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life ~ Spamalot OBC

So why should I take your hand when you can't promise happy endings?
Sakura Con is over. I am sad to say that, but it was a lot of fun.

Friday: skipped school and went in in the morning. Managed to get my panelist badge and get a Guest Reception pass when I got there, then I just hung out. I spent alot of time (and money) in the Dealer's Room. Picked up a Video Game, the first two volumes of the Japanese Death Note, Negima Vol. 9, Bleach: Heat the Soul 2 for the PSP (fun game ^^), and a Tsubasa Chronicle poster. I then met up with Kira (a girl I had met at Anime Evolution in Canada, who also gave me her demo, which I gave to Run, and who was performing with us). We then met up with Leah, and Kira, Leah, and Kira's Boyfriend and I all went to AJII studios for a bit to practice (Henry and Mike eventually came and we got a good run in). We folded programs and cut up flyers (MUCH more than we needed), and then I went back and had dinner with the guests. SO much fun, I sat down with two members of Camino (the bassist and the drummer), and then I moved over and talked with my favorite American comic writer, Fred Gallagher (MegaTokyo). Kelsey had asked me to walk her back to her hotel cuz she told her mom she wouldn't walk alone...and I saw why. No sooner thhat we were out there was this strange guy that came up to us and asked us some wierd questions. Roger and I decided that I could stay in the room he was staying in (with Jeremy, Chris, and Anne), so I drove home with him following my lead, and he drove me back to the convention. We returned to the convention hall, and I had my first ever all nighter. I talked with some random people in the gaming room about alot of different subjects, and had a blast laughing at the dumbest things (Wenus-cycle XD). The day rolled on over.

Saturday: Went back to the hotel room and had a little nap. I got a ticket to the Camino concert, but I missed that for the preview of GunXSword (which is a REALLY cool anime). I met two of the actors in it previously, so that just added to the experience. I hung out with a few of the others and went back to the hotel room. We practiced a bit on the anime we were performing, but it quickly turned into an improv-a-thon with the voices. My GOD it was funny! We need to record it someday. ("Chad...it looks delicious", and "It was back in the 8th Grade...when I was first gang banged"). We fell asleep and got ready for the next day...our main event.

Sunday: Woke up and bolted to the convention hall. We ran through the overall performance once, and smoothed over the edges. We performed to a great audience. My parents were even there, and they enjoyed it! We had a great performance, and I got a great response personally from the people watching us. I think it was phenomenal. Afterwards, I changed into a cosplay outfit for Kelsey, and ended up at a Camino panel with her. We spent about 45 minutes in line for autographs (I purchased their latest single CD). Then I went back to the room, packed up my stuff, hung out with Kelsey's group for about 30 minutes, and now I am home

Right now I need to head and refill my bank account with a paycheck waiing for me.

Current Mood: tired & depressed...

Countdown to Launch Commencing
Sakura-con in T-Minus 5 days. So pretty much I can consider this weekend to be one of the busiest ones of my life. Let's recap...Friday: Went to Japanese finals at 7:30 in the morning. I had to be at an audition in West Seattle by 9:00, so I had to rush through it (though I feel comfortable with it), then I rushed and got to the ArtsWest theatre only 5 minutes past 9, so it went well. The audition was alright. The music director was able to pinpoint me as a punk rock singer just by hearing my voice (quite amazing), though we DID hafta dance like prostitutes (yes...the men too). We ran through a few scenes and songs and then I did a guitar audition by playing "Catch You Catch Me" (from Card Captor Sakura). After the overall audition, I had to book it back to Mountlake Terrace to work (the audition let out at 4:30, and I started work at 5:30, I barely got there with traffic). I then started my job and stuck with it, running around the theater all night long, until 11:30 when they finally let me off. Needless to say, I was dead tired by the end of it all. I got home and crashed, only to realize that I had rehearsals for my Sakura-Con performance the next day.

Saturday: Went to AJII to practice. It went pretty well. Lisa was still sick (I hope she feels better. Apparently, from what the others described, it's the same thing that a few friends of mine at school have, only Lisa seems to have it a little worse). I got the sense that K-Chan was still mad at me for what I said on LJ last week. If you are reading this Kelsey, I'm sorry for making you mad...but as you say...I'm not going to go back on what I've said or done. (Right now, I'm torn on whether I hate or love her more...I'll just brush it off for now though, and worry about it all after we perform). I am sitll concerned about my sleeping arrangements for the con. Friday and Saturday are no problem, I can simply drive in in the morning...it's Sunday I'm worried about (we have to be there by 7 in the morning to rehearse...for those of you who don't know me too well...I can barely get up at 11:00 on a weekend morning). Run tells me that I can possibly stay at the AJII studio the night on Saturday, so that might help. After rehearsal I went home and brought my friend Kurtis over to my house to play some video games (he's annoying and immature, yes...but in all truth he's the only friend that lives so close by that I don't feel guilty imposing on). While he was busy playing some one-players later on in the evening, I began to study my lines for callbacks.

Sunday: I went to Cabaret callbacks and began to grow very nervous. I was trying out for both the American writer (who is a big role) and a smaller role (A German male prostitute). I didn't really feel I did well at the audition at all, I saw alot of other people who did ten times better than me. I really am dissapointed with my performance, but I guess what happens happens from now on. At any rate, I wouldn't be able to do it if I were to land the role as Syaoran or Ichigo (it is very likely that those would be recording in the summer, and I am putting all my efforts into getting one of those roles). The director asked each of us if we are uncomfortable with scantily clad clothing. I told him no (if it's for the sake of acting), but that means I will hafta reconsider inviting my friends to the show if I get one of those parts (especially my ex...she already has enough ammo). *sighs* whatever

Currently: I am typing this long-winded LJ post, and am just relaxing. Probably can't do that for too long, cuz I have alot of homework to worry about (a big 10 minute presentation in English class Tuesday, as well). I also have to study lines for the school play tomorrow (we are getting close to the love scene with that girl that I've mentioned before. I really am at the point where I am just looking for comfort, so I may just go out with her...I'll figure it out soon). But I guess I really must head. Later!

Current Mood: drained

To love and tension, no pension, to more than one dimension! (VIVA...LA VIE....BOHEME!!!)
Well I am back from my exploits in New York! And it...was...a...blast! I saw four shows there. The first was Doubt, which was alright, good acting and good story (I can see why it one a Tony for best play), however it failed to keep me in. I guess that may be because it was the first play we saw and we were all sleep deprived from flying out at 6 in the mornin'. The next play was the musical Avenue Q. That was by far the best! It was SO hilarious! Even my dad laughed at it, and so did my drama teacher (which was odd. In case you didn't know, the play has alot of...*coughs* racy elements. For example, some songs include "The Internet is for Porn" and "Everyone is a Little Bit Racist".) I then went to see the full broadway version of Rent. Despite the fact that it could have been better (some of the actors would try to be original by taking long pauses in their songs, then catching up quickly...it got annoying), it was still alot better than the movie. And seeing as I still love the movie with a fiery passion, that is saying alot! Spamalot was one that I will never forget. It was an excellent play to end with. Hank Azaria (a main voice of the Simpsons) and David Hyde Pierce (Frasier) were both in it, and they did a great job. (Hank: "We are now the knights who say eckay-eckay-eckay-bakang-ZOOM-backa-It's a good time to shoot Mr. Vice President-*grumble grumble*-I've only had one beer-alen-mackaw". XD I love Hank. This was the first time he said that, and it showed...seeing as the actors were about to crack up on stage). I managed to pick up both the Spamalot and Avenue Q CDs (I still need to get the original Broadway version of Rent, I only have the movie soundtrack now). These are now added onto my Wicked soundtrack (which I sadly did not get to see while I was there), and my Fiddler on the Roof and Rent movie version CDs as far as musical soundtracks go (I now intend on getting Phantom of the Opera after I get the Rent one). I picked up some souveniers for Run, Ayumu, and K-Chan (though I won't say what they are right yet ;)).

Aside from Broadway, we hung out at the Metropoliton Museum (which was alright, I'm not big into paintings...but the Art of Japan, Arms and Armors, and Art of Egypt exhibits were cool), we walked in Central Park (COLD!!!), and we went to Ground Zero (it was very interesting to see the concept and models for the buildings they are currently building there. They will be so cool when they are finished).

As for the group? We were split up into 4 rooms for the students and 3 for the chaperones. The chaperones included my drama teacher and his wife, my friend's mother, and my father (who everyone loved). The girls got two rooms, and same with the guys, although (as long as the door was propped open) we were able to visit each others' rooms. The first night, the guys stayed up until 3 in the morning, talking about deep stuff (which was odd, seeing as it's GIRLS who are stereotyped as the talkative ones). We covered religion, school, and (my area of dismay) love. It was my friend who told me that love is "choosing the greater good for the person you care about, even if it's at the expense of your own well being". That hit me hard, seeing as I knew that I was risking my relationship and happiness with Kelsey when I did what I did...but I proceeded because I was concerned about her. I know by this standard, I should just give up on her, because that would be at my expense, but it would make her happy...but I still have along ways to go before that happens. I found that out the second night we were there. The *coughs* girl that I kissed a few weeks back was with us (she's in the class, so of course she would be), and she and I hung out in the lobby for a bit (a little after curfew mind you, the drama teacher didn't like that). She asked if she could kiss me...being on an emotional slide ever since I stopped the Wellbutren...I figured I may as well let her. Then she said she was confused, and asked me why I let her do that. She says that I am a wonderful person, and I need to stop with the inferiority issues. I told her I am trying, but I'm along way to go. She kept pestering me...and I easily sensed that she was only pressuring me with these questions so she and I would go out. The next night, a friend pulled me aside and told me the truth about that girl. She has cheated on every boyfriend she has had in the past! And from what I hear, the stuff she has been telling me were lies. I need to settle that ASAP. I repeat, I still want Kelsey, but I also hold some discontent. She broke up with me because I did what I thought was the right thing...though I also understand because what I did hurt her. So right now, it's just me versus myself when it comes to my decisions. On the final night, we went out to an authentic Italian restaurant, which was amazingly good. One of our own went to hang out with his sister most of the day, and did not join us...and to complete the whole ordeal, he came back high! >.> I just hope the drama teacher didn't notice.

We stayed up all night that night, seeing as we had to leave at 4 in the morning. I slept on the plane to Salt Lake City the whole way, and then half of the ride from there to Seattle. When I got back, the cough I've had all weekend long hit me like a brick. My dear sweet mother gave me some alcohol to relax me (Grand Marnier...not bad ^^). I am still a little jet lagged...despite a 2 hour nap and full night's sleep yestarday. I have no reason to be, though...so I guess this illness is a little worse than I expected. I'll see a doctor about it soon. I made up all my Japanese HW, worked on English today, and I got the new Rent DVD...looks like things are going back to the way they were before I left. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted ^^. Now I hafta head out. I'll post again later! And don't forget...VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!!!

Current Mood: tired

New York City...here I come
I'm shipping off tomorrow folks. I am heading to New York to witness such Broadway hits as Doubt, Rent, Avenue Q, and Spamalot. I'm leaving with my fellow Play Production members at 5:00 tomorrow morning. Things are getting a little hectic around here. For one, I JUST took my final Wellbutren pill. I will not be refilling my perscription, because it has helped me none. I am still anxious and easily depressed. I'm still having a hard time getting her out of my mind. Just two days ago, I dreamt AGAIN about us reuniting, then last night, I dreamt that I was getting ready to leave for NY, and she hated me for some reason. I am gaining new insight every day...I only hope it may help in the future. I also hope we can be together, but that's a hazy outcome.

In English class today, we studied using trees as metaphors of our lives. Compelled by this, I created my own:

"As I look up, I see the grandest tree ever. It stretches so high, yet it is so majestic that everyone who gazes upon it knows that it wouldn't be right if it didn't exist. The branches are evenly spaced apart in symmetric beauty. If one were to grab a hold of the first branch, he could keep on climbing to the top. Yet the tree is too tall for me. I have yet to grow until I am able to grab a hold of the lowest limb. I know that if I were to climb it, I would be happier the higher I get. However, I am stuck at the bottom, jumping as high as I can, reaching out and hoping to get a firm grip. I don't wish to wait for happiness, so I continue to leap in vain. If only I could reach that first branch...if only..."

The representation of this is how I am not quite mature enough nor strong enough yet to reach my goals. I jump in vain because I am impatient, yet I continue. The branches I would reach resemble my dreams and hopes, including being a voice actor and being with Kelsey (although that branch is weak, and it would require support from another branch with it...what that second limb is, I have yet to discover). "Everyone who gazes upon it knows that it wouldn't be right if it didn't exist"...this shows that I truly wish to climb high in fame...enough so that I am admired by the public. I was on a low limb with Kelsey, happier than I've ever been, but that branch broke off...that's not to say there's not another one for her on the tree...but that was a weakened branch. This is my tree...and I continue to jump so I can regain some happiness.

I have found myself these past few weeks downloading like crazy. I have not much to do, seeing as my academic life is winding down. Oddly enough, I've downloaded a few H-Games (thanks for being a good influence Roger ^^). While playing these, I realize how much my life is like an H-Game (>.> without the H, of course). I have girls all around me with developing relationships...and I have to make the right choices. I made some poor selections with K-Chan, which makes me wish my life WERE like a dating sim...that way I can create save points that I can use to fix the wrongs I've done. But that's me speaking in fantasy again. *sighs* I just have trouble understanding everything. She is so confusing...because we both have feelings for each other...yet she wishes us to remain apart like this. It hurts to hear her say she hopes we can be "wonderful friends", because I know that no matter how good of friends we become, I'll always love her this way, and always want to be with her. I'm not sure if my mental state could survive that. Well the future is still blank...we'll see what happens...anyways...I've got to prepare for my New York invasion. Wish me luck people!

Current Mood: anxious

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